2012 - A Look Back

As I sit here on the last day of 2012, I wanted to take a moment to stop and reflect on the past year.  There have been so many ups and downs in the Fender family over the past year.  This time last year I was in tears getting the phone call from the doctor that I was having a miscarriage.  After all we had been through the previous few months, I couldn’t believe that this was how our year was going to end.  Not only was I still mourning the loss of my beloved furry baby, Addison, but now I was having to mourn a harder loss, the loss of my child.  I put on a smile as we had some of our closest friends over to celebrate New Year’s Eve and the beginning of a new year.  As I cried myself to sleep that night, I prayed that 2012 would be a better year. 

My Love - Addison

It took me a very long time to recover, and I am not even sure you ever fully recover from the loss of a child.  God had some big plans in store for us in 2012!  Sometimes when you pray, God doesn’t always give you the answer that you want in your timing.  It is hard to see that in the moment, but His timing is always perfect and is always for a reason.  2012 brought my husband and me closer together and gave our little family so many wonderful things to be thankful for:

Kendall – even though I struggled at times to find love in my heart for her, I do love this dog and am so glad she became a part of our family.  The first several months were tough with the normal puppy aggravations and annoyances, but I wouldn’t trade her for the world now.  Plus, you can’t help but love this adorable face and her goofy personality and love for her brother.

Remi – she has inspired me to do so much more with life and be thankful for the life I have.  Because of her, I finally had the courage to run my first half marathon.  I finally felt that I had accomplished something big in my adult life and knew that if I can do a half marathon, I can overcome anything.  I also got to see her run across the finish line in her first 5K.  What an awesome moment that I will never forget!

Aruba! – having a fun, relaxing vacation with my favorite guy.  It was a chance for us to get away from everything and just have some time for the two of us.

Lakyn – my newest niece was born in August.  She is the cutest most loving baby ever!  I love her to pieces and can’t wait for her and Baby Fender to play together.  I mean how can you not love this face…



She was very excited about Santa coming!





And the most exciting, important event in 2012 – BABY FENDER – after all of the tears, prayers, injections and doctor’s visits, I will never ever forget the moment of hearing my baby’s heart beat for the first time.  I will never forget seeing and feeling the baby move for the first time.  I will never forget the moment the hubs and I found out we were having a little girl.  All the pain that we had experienced in 2011 was all worth it for those moments as well as the ones to come.  I am so blessed by this miracle that has been given to us.

So here is to 2012 and the New Year to come!  I can’t wait for 2013 and all of the exciting things that it has to bring.  To my two blog readers – thank you for following along our journey over the past year.  The Fenders wish you and your family all of the best in 2013!

21 Weeks

How far along? 21 Weeks 

Size of Baby Fender? About the size of a Pomegranate 

Maternity Clothes? Yes, mostly due to the comfort factor. I can still fit in some of my pre-pregnancy clothes like t-shirts and such. 

Weight Gain? Not sure how much at this point since I have had the stomach bug.  I think I have lost about 3-4 pounds in the last couple of days.  

Stretch Marks? NO and I hope I don’t get them! 

Gender? GIRL!! 

Sleep? I don’t sleep very well. I mostly toss and turn all night.  I was a back sleeper before getting pregnant, which presents a slight problem while pregnant and not being able to sleep on my back. 

Movement?  Baby Girl has been quite active this week especially while I have been sick.  I think she is mad and flailing around because she is hungry.   

Cravings?  None this week 

What I miss?  Being able to eat normal food this week.  The stomach bug is really kicking my butt this week! 

Symptoms?  No really bad symptoms this week which was a pleasant surprise. 

Best moment of the week?  Celebrating Christmas with our families.  Baby Girl got lots of very cute things.  I really wasn’t feeling the color pink until she got a few pink things for Christmas.  I guess when it is for her, I can overlook my dislike of that color.  We also started a tradition of reading "The Night Before Christmas" to her on Christmas Eve.  It was a sweet moment for my husband, the baby and I to enjoy together.  She loves when her daddy reads or talks to her!

20 Weeks

How far along? 20 Weeks 

Size of Baby Fender? About the size of a Banana 

Maternity Clothes? Yes, mostly due to the comfort factor. I can still fit in some of my pre-pregnancy clothes like t-shirts and such. 

Weight Gain? About 7 lbs.  

Stretch Marks? NO and I hope I don’t get them! 

Gender? GIRL!! 

Sleep? I don’t sleep very well. I mostly toss and turn all night.  I was a back sleeper before getting pregnant, which presents a slight problem while pregnant and not being able to sleep on my back. 

Movement?  I am starting to feel Baby Girl’s kicks getting stronger and stronger.  It gives me peace of mind when I feel her move.   

Cravings? Not really – I have more food aversions then cravings. 

What I miss? I miss enjoying my morning cup of joe. I still drink one cup a day in order to avoid really bad caffeine headaches, but I don’t enjoy it as much as before pregnancy. I also miss having a glass of wine on the weekends. 

Symptoms?  No really bad symptoms this week which was a pleasant surprise. 

Best moment of the week? Finding out we were having a GIRL and that she was healthy and right on schedule!  I swore it was a boy, so I was pleasantly surprised when little girl parts showed up on the ultrasound.  I also love getting to see her grow during the very few ultrasounds they let you have.

 

The Fenders wish everyone a very Merry Christmas!!

It's a...

Baby Fender is a GIRL! 

 


Baby Girl is waving at everyone in the background :)

She decided to flip around mid-ultrasound, so she is looking down

 

We are so excited and can't wait to meet her!  Even though I hate the color pink, it is Team Pink for the Fender Family.

"We prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted us what we asked of him."

-1 Samuel 1:27

Team Blue or Pink?

Tomorrow is the BIG DAY!  We will find out which team Baby Fender is on, blue or pink.  Baby Fender's room is going to have a monkey/safari theme, so I saw these two cute Christmas ornaments at Target and have both on the tree right now.  Tomorrow I will take one down.  Hopefully this child cooperates!!

Team Blue?

Team Pink?

19 Weeks

How far along? 19 Weeks

Size of Baby Fender? About the size of a Mango

Maternity Clothes? Yes, mostly due to the comfort factor.  I can still fit in some of my pre-pregnancy clothes like t-shirts and such.

Weight Gain?  About 10 lbs.

Stretch Marks? NO and I hope I don’t get them!

Gender? We find out on Thursday!!

Sleep? I don’t sleep very well.  I mostly toss and turn all night. 

Movement? I feel flutters all of the time.  I am ready for my husband to get to feel the baby move too.

Cravings? Not really – I have more food aversions then cravings.

What I miss?  I miss enjoying my morning cup of joe.  I still drink one cup a day in order to avoid really bad caffeine headaches, but I don’t enjoy it as much as before pregnancy.  I also miss having a glass of wine on the weekends.

Symptoms?  I have really bad indigestion no matter what I eat.  I haven’t been really emotional during this process so far, which is quite shocking for me.  I am starting to feel more like a whale and I know this is only the beginning.  The main thing that bothers me is face weight gain, but what can you do?

Best moment of the week? I have issues with people rubbing my belly, even my husband (I know, it’s weird!).  I finally let him rub my belly for a long time on Wednesday night and I think the child has chosen favorites already.  That night was the first time I slept through the night and felt rested in a couple of months!  I think the hubs put the baby to sleep!!

 

Because a few people have asked to see the bump, I am posting a picture.  Enjoy friends as it might be the one and only picture I put up of myself before this child makes their appearance!

 

 

 

 

Baby Fender

I say this on almost all of my posts, but I am really terrible at blogging. I think about blogging all of the time but then I never seem to find time to do it. I would like to say once the baby comes I will do better, but that probably would be a lie! So to catch up a little, here is Baby Fender's story...
 

After going through our last IVF cycle and having a miscarriage, the hubs and I decided to take a much needed break from trying to have a baby.  It was becoming very physically, mentally and emotionally exhausting.  We decided to take some time for just the two of us and take a vacation.  I also trained and ran a half-marathon, which was one of the biggest accomplishments of my life.  It gave me hope that pretty much anything is possible if I can suffer through running for that long! 
 

After a wonderful, relaxing vacation in ARUBA, we decided it was time to try IVF again and hope for the best.  This hands down was the hardest round so far.  I had mixed emotions about it and didn’t want to experience the same disappointment as last time.  The doctors were also trying a few new things, which meant twice the amount of injections and a longer pre-retrieval cycle.  There were days that I would just cry and say I can’t do this anymore and I just wanted to give up.  There were days where I had given up hope that it was ever going to work, and I just wanted to explore other options.  My husband was definitely my rock through it all and held me up through the entire process.  I finally put it all in God’s hands and came to terms that if it works it works and if it doesn’t then there were other ways to become a mother.
 

On Sunday, August 19^th, we made our way to Wake Forest in Winston Salem, NC for what would probably be our last attempt at having a child “naturally.”  I did an inner-office egg retrieval, which just translates into being awake and feeling most of the procedure.  Because it doesn’t take too long in the grand scheme of things and it is much cheaper, we decided to go that route instead of having a pleasant nap where I don’t know what is going on.  My husband was allowed to watch this retrieval which was cool for him but not so great for me.  I love my husband more than anything in this world, however he LOVES science!  That means that he had to ask a bunch of questions during the procedure which means the doctor stops to explain what he is going during the procedure, all while I am laying there patiently waiting for the two of them to shut up!  HA!  I was thankful that he got to experience the process with me, and I think it gave him a newfound respect for what I had to go through. 
 

When you go through IVF, the embryologist scores your embryos.  Since I am somewhat of a perfectionist, it was a little painful to hear on Tuesday, August 21^st that ours were only scoring at a C level.  Because we had gone through this before, I was worried that the same thing was going to happen yet again.  Luckily by the time we went back to Wake Forest on Wednesday, August 22^nd, two of our embryos were scoring at a B level and the other one had been upgraded to a higher level C!  Go baby Fenders!!  This was by far the best embryos we had gotten during all 3 IVF cycles.  Due to my “younger” age, they don’t usually implant more than 2 embryos, but since we hadn’t had success yet, they proceeded with all 3.  On August 22^nd, these 3 beautiful babies were implanted back into my uterus.  Nothing can describe the feeling of seeing the embryos implanted back into me.  IVF is an extremely hard process, but we are so lucky because we get to see the process from start to finish.

 



We made our way home and started the 10 day wait.  10 days doesn’t seem like a long time, but it felt like an eternity.  Finally, on day 9 I couldn’t stand it any longer and I took a home pregnancy test.  This is what I saw J

 

 

I was still cautiously optimistic as we have been down this road before.  The following day, I had my first HCG blood test which came back lower than what I was anticipating.  My husband was overjoyed and I was still cautiously optimistic and worried we were about to experience the same thing as last time.  On Labor Day, we went in for another HCG blood test.  I had mixed feeling about having the test on this specific day.  This was when Baby Fender #1 was supposed to be due, and I knew I couldn’t handle losing yet another baby on the same day my first would have been born.  The phone rang and I held my breath as they told me the numbers had more than doubled!  I was overjoyed and thought okay, maybe this is really going to happen this time.  I had to go back a few days later for yet another HCG test, which came back more than doubled from what it was supposed to be…then it hit me!  OMG – could there be more than one vampire in there?! 

We patiently waited another week to have our first ultrasound.  My husband and I went back and forth about how wonderful it would be if we had twins.  We also had some concerns if there were THREE babies!  We knew that God had a plan for us and whatever he gave us we would make work.  My maternal instincts told me it was only one, but everyone else thought there would be multiples.  On September 14^th, we went in for our first ultrasound.  I knew what it looks like without a baby and was praying that this time it would be different.  I have never been more nervous in my entire life.  I will never forget the feeling of seeing ONE tiny baby and hearing its heartbeat for the first time.  I would like to introduce you to Baby Fender (aka Spec as my dad calls it) and his/her first picture:



 

 

It took me until about 12 weeks to lose the feeling that something was going to happen and we were going to lose this baby.  I know that something could still happen, but I have put it all in God’s hands.  God had a plan for us all along.  We weren’t meant to have Baby Fender #1 at the time we had planned for it.  I understand now that it isn’t about my timing, it is about His.  Some of our best friends are pregnant and I really believe we were meant to go through this together.  We were meant to experience everything together and have our children grow up together.  If Baby Fender #1 would have come as we planned, we would have never had the experiences that we are having now together.

Three of my favorite people on earth!

 

I thank God for this child daily and can’t wait to see what He has in store for him/her and us in the coming years.  Up next – a 19 week update and we find out if the vampire is a girl or boy this week!! 

 

"We prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted us what we asked of him."

-1 Samuel 1:27