Bad Things come in 3’s

To say that the second half of last year and the beginning of this year sucked is an understatement.  It seemed like anything that could go wrong did and that there was so much heartbreak that it got to be unbearable.  Let me tell you what happened:

1.      In August, my husband and I found out that the only way we would be able to have kids is through In Vitro Fertilization.  You have all of these hopes and dreams when you first get married about one day having a family and an “easy” life.  In a matter of minutes, it seemed like all of that had been taken away and everything seemed impossible.  They were very hopeful that we would have success with In Vitro, so we started with the process late August early September.  For someone who hates needles, you quickly have to become accustomed to them.  With daily injections and a roller coaster of hormones, we were well on our way to the expansion of our family.  Or so we thought.  The day we went for the embryo transfer (implantation), the doctor told us that our chances of getting pregnant were only about 40%.  Needless to say, we left feeling slightly depressed and worried but still held on to the hope it would work.  A few days after my birthday, we found out that the embryo didn’t implant and that we weren’t pregnant.  I was sad but still hopeful that this would work – just not this time.

2.       A week before Thanksgiving, our Great Dane, Addison, got very sick and ended up being admitted to a vet specialist hospital in Greenville.  After staying there for a week, 2 blood transfusions, a diagnosis of hemolytic anemia, lots of medication and lots of $$, we finally got to bring her home.  I was so excited to finally have my furry baby back home where she belonged.  She was a goofy dog that could always make you laugh no matter what mood you were in.  She would feel when I was sad and would climb up in the chair and cuddle with me.  I couldn’t have been more excited to have her back home!  A week or so after Thanksgiving, she took a turn for the worst and got a blood clot.  We took her back to the specialist and were informed that she probably had cancer and her condition would only get worse.  We made the only humane choice we had and let her go.  There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss her but time does heal all wounds.  She will always be a part of our family and will always have a place in my heart.  Here are a few pictures of my beautiful baby:

3.       We were already in the middle of another round of In Vitro when Addison got sick, so we decided to proceed.  The hope was that she had to leave us to make room for a baby.  After more injections and procedures, we went for our embryo transfer.  Again we received about the same projected results as the first time and left not knowing what to think.  We still remained hopeful that things would work out.  Two days after Christmas, I found out I was pregnant.  We were so excited and I’d never been happier in my life.  My mind was going crazy with thoughts of names, things we would do with this child as they grow up, what kind of parents we would be, would it be a boy or girl and so on.  Then on New Year’s Eve, we found out I was having a miscarriage.  Everything in the world seemed to be turning against us and there were no reasons why.  All I could think was, why not me?   We have so much to offer a child, so why not me?  Then our doctor’s appointments went from “you might be pregnant again” to “you might have an ectopic pregnancy” to “you might be pregnant again” to “you are definitely having a miscarriage” – all in a matter of a couple of weeks.  Finally at the end of January, I had to have a D&C – hello 2012!

It has been a really hard road and journey, but we still do remain hopeful that we will have a child one day (whether biologically or not).  I know that God has a plan for us even if we don’t see it right now.  Everything happens for a reason and it just wasn’t the right time.  One thing that has really helped me heal is a sermon by Steven Furtick from Elevation Church in Charlotte (Blessed and Broken).  People thank God for blessings but think He has turned his back when we are broken.  I have to remember that He is there no matter what.

I have been so blessed in my life with a wonderful husband, great job, and a roof over my head and so much more.  Sometimes the broken times in my life make me forget all of the things God has provided.  I am sharing all of this with you so that if you are going through hard times please you know you are not alone.  It isn’t about how many times we fall – it’s about how many times we get back up and brush ourselves off.

P.S.  Sorry this post was so long!