Ups and Downs of the Fender Family: Reflection

This time of year is always the hardest for me. It is a time that I reflect on the past couple of years and all of the things we have been through. It is a time where I am sad but thankful how my life has turned out. It is a time of year that gets easier with time, but I will always remember.

Yesterday would have been my sweet Addison's 5th birthday. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss her. I know it is weird to non-animal lovers to understand this concept, but she was our first baby. She was the most lovable dog on the planet. Addison could sense when I needed her to just cuddle with me. She was sweet and goofy at the same time. She made bad days seems a little bit better with her unconditional love.

One of the hardest days on my life was when we had to say goodbye to her. Time heals all wounds, but a piece of my heart died the day we said goodbye.

When I found out I was pregnant a few weeks after Addison passed away, I had so many emotions flowing through me. It felt like maybe she had given up her seat in the car for our baby, and her passing seemed to make some sense. The hubs and I talked about how her tail (that was like a whip) wouldn't have been the best thing for a child, so maybe it was all working out how it was supposed to.

This week would have also been our first babies' first birthday. I remember the feeling of some much grief and loss when I found out we had lost them. It's a feeling that only those who have been in the same shoes can ever understand. At the time, I was angry, sad, confused and so much more. I wondered why this was so hard for us but so easy for others. In that moment, life wasn't fair. What I didn't see at the time was how much joy and happiness would be in my future.

If I hadn't of miscarried, we never would have our beautiful daughter with us today. I wouldn't get to wake up to this face every day:

I can't imagine our life without Kearington now. Everything seems so much better because of her. It was so difficult to see all of that in the moment. I didn't see the plan that God had for us during the bad times. As hard as it was to go through it, I am so thankful I did because now I get to experience the best things that life can give me. I'm glad that our plan was in His hands, because He ALWAYS knows what we need and when we need it. I will always look back on this week every year to see where and how far we have come. I will always remember the pain that we went through, but I am so thankful for the joy that we have now.

And because I love her and think she is cute, here are a few more pictures of my little peanut :)