Kearington - Month 4

I'm so bad about taking K's monthly pictures.  I take pictures of her non-stop but forget to get her monthly sticker out to take those.  Oops!!  Oh well - I can't be good at everything I suppose.  

Kearington is the easiest baby on the planet!  She is almost always content and happy.  She makes our days brighter, and we are enjoying watching her grow and change every day.  Though I wish I could keep her a baby forever, we are having more fun with her as she grows into her little personality and becomes more interactive.  We really can't imagine our family without her!  We love you so much peanut!!

That lip gets me every time! 

I thought she was finally digging the chair...

And....not so much!  HA!

The Hardest Part

When I was pregnant with Kearington, I had in my head what I thought motherhood would be like.  I never quite understood when people would say that being a mom is the hardest yet most rewarding job on the planet until I had her.  I think as parents, your life starts to revolve around your children the second they take their first breathe.  There is no longer "let's decide to go to the movies last minute" or "let's go to Ruth Chris for dinner" once you have a baby.  There is really nothing that happens last minute except the unwanted spit-up on your shirt while walking out that door.  Every moment of the day is consumed with your child and their needs.  

I am struggling to find a balance between taking care of Kearington, having time with the hubs as well as a little time for myself.  My husband is great in that it might be 11 o'clock at night when I take a shower, but he gives me the 5 minutes of solitude if I want it when I want it.  I think as a mother, you feel guilty if your daily life doesn't revolve around your child.  I feel guilty if she is crying while I am trying to workout, eat lunch, or clean the house (my husband is laughing at this one I'm sure).  I feel guilty at the end of the night when I am exhausted and my husband wants to spend some time with me.  I feel guilty that I don't have as much time to spend with our furry babies as I would like.  All of these things are part of being a mother.

Things have gotten easier over the last couple of months as I have started to ease into our routine and learning Kearington's needs and wants.  I am so lucky and fortunate that my husband works so hard for me to be able to stay at home with our daughter.  I still have a lot to learn especially in the wife/mother balancing act though.  I think this will be a learning process that will continue to happen and will improve over time.

A few weeks ago, one of Brandon's closest friends got married.  It was a night wedding, so we asked my parents to watch Kearington.  It would be the first time I would be without her overnight since having her.  I had only been away from her for a few hours at a time...not overnight!  As I drove away from their house, ever part of me said to turn around and get her but I knew that the hubs and I needed this time together.  I am so glad that I had a night to be the wife and give the mom part of me a little break.  I think everyone deserves a little break and shouldn't feel guilty about it.  I had such an awesome time at the wedding and spending time with the love of my life.  I think it was what we both needed.  Sometimes you need a little time away from your children...and that is OK!

Baby K's Last Couple of Months (in Pictures)

Those lips!

That can't be comfortable

The girls were very into the football games

I got this Mom!

Three of my favorite people on the planet

Time with our BFFs

A couple of weeks ago, we went to the apple orchard with our BFFs.  All of us have such a good time together - even the babies were having fun!  We are so thankful to have such awesome friends in our life to share the parenthood journey with!  We can't wait for more fun times and trips to come!

Those blue eyes on K's BFF are to die for!

We love these 3!

Reflection

This time of year is always the hardest for me.  It is a time that I reflect on the past couple of years and all of the things we have been through.  It is a time where I am sad but thankful how my life has turned out.  It is a time of year that gets easier with time, but I will always remember.

Yesterday would have been my sweet Addison's 5th birthday.  There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss her.  I know it is weird to non-animal lovers to understand this concept, but she was our first baby.  She was the most lovable dog on the planet.  Addison could sense when I needed her to just cuddle with me.  She was sweet and goofy at the same time.  She made bad days seems a little bit better with her unconditional love.

One of the hardest days on my life was when we had to say goodbye to her.  Time heals all wounds, but a piece of my heart died the day we said goodbye.  

When I found out I was pregnant a few weeks after Addison passed away, I had so many emotions flowing through me.  It felt like maybe she had given up her seat in the car for our baby, and her passing seemed to make some sense.  The hubs and I talked about how her tail (that was like a whip) wouldn't have been the best thing for a child, so maybe it was all working out how it was supposed to.  

This week would have also been our first babies' first birthday.  I remember the feeling of some much grief and loss when I found out we had lost them.  It's a feeling that only those who have been in the same shoes can ever understand.  At the time, I was angry, sad, confused and so much more.  I wondered why this was so hard for us but so easy for others.  In that moment, life wasn't fair.  What I didn't see at the time was how much joy and happiness would be in my future.

If I hadn't of miscarried, we never would have our beautiful daughter with us today.  I wouldn't get to wake up to this face every day:

I can't imagine our life without Kearington now.  Everything seems so much better because of her.  It was so difficult to see all of that in the moment.  I didn't see the plan that God had for us during the bad times.  As hard as it was to go through it, I am so thankful I did because now I get to experience the best things that life can give me.  I'm glad that our plan was in His hands, because He ALWAYS knows what we need and when we need it.  I will always look back on this week every year to see where and how far we have come.  I will always remember the pain that we went through, but I am so thankful for the joy that we have now.  

And because I love her and think she is cute, here are a few more pictures of my little peanut :)

My child is weird and actually likes the doctor's office

The love I have for these two is indescribable