Thursday, May 8, 2014

My Letter to Kearington on Her First Birthday

I have thought about this letter so many times over the last couple of weeks.  I wasn’t really sure about everything that I wanted to say or even if I wanted to say it.  I think I felt like by writing this letter, I was admitting that you were already a year old, and I didn’t like that!  I want to keep you a baby forever, but unfortunately that isn’t how this life works.  So here it goes…

What an amazing year it has been!  There were times when I thought I would never get to experience all of the things that come with being a mother.  There were times when it all seemed like a dream that would never become my reality.  There were times when I thought I would only be able to watch other mothers with their children and never have one of my own.  But all of the times I dreamed of what it would be like was nothing like this past year has been.

I remember the moment I found out I was pregnant with you.  Oh how excited and worried I was!  Was this really it?!  Would you finally be mine to keep?  I remember going in for our anatomy ultrasound knowing for sure you would be a boy.  All of the signs were pointing towards we were having a boy.  When the ultrasound tech finally showed us that we were in fact having a girl, I was excited and a little scared.  I’m not super girly, so how could I raise a little girl?  I can barely do my own hair, so how was I going to fix my own daughter’s hair?  Along with a little worry was a lot of excitement about getting my very own mini-me (little did I know you would be just like your father).

I remember the first time I felt you move.  I wasn’t sure that I really liked the feeling at first, but I was thankful to know that you were okay.  I remember the first time your daddy felt you move.  Oh the look and smile and on his face was priceless!  I remember talking to your daddy about what we thought you would be like…who you would be more like…who you would look like…would you have hair…would you be a good sleeper…all of the things that we wanted to know about you.  All we wanted was for you to get here, so we could know everything about you. 

When the doctor told me it was time, I wasn’t sure I was quite ready for you.  I mean I wanted to meet you but was I really ready to take care of a tiny human being.  I will never forget the first moment we met.  My mom had told me about the love she had for me as her daughter, but I never really understood that love until the moment I laid my eyes on you.  Oh that moment that I got to hold you for the first time was hands down the best moment of my life!  Everything I had hoped, dreamed and prayed for had finally come true in your tiny 7 lbs 8 oz body.  You were the most perfect baby I had ever seen!  I could just stare at you all day (I can still do that now).

When it was time to take you home, I was excited and so nervous.  Could we really take care of this tiny human all by ourselves?  Did we really know what we were doing?  I knew that you depended solely on us being able to take care of you.  The first couple of weeks of getting to know each other were hard but a lot of fun.  You looked and acted so much like your daddy, which made you even more lovable!  My world was all of a sudden better because you were a part of it.  God had chosen me to be your mom, which is the most precious gift I will ever receive. 

This first year of your life has been the best one of ours.  Getting to watch you grow has been incredible.  Watching you smile for the first time…sit up by yourself for the first time…crawl for the first time…so many milestones in just a very short period of time.  You are the sweetest human being on this planet.  I really can’t imagine my world without you in it.   I pray every day that God will keep you healthy and happy.  I can’t wait to see what you are going to learn and be like during the next year of your life. 

Thank you for making me a better person.  Thank you for making me less selfish.  Thank you for making me smile and laugh daily.  Thank you for making me more patient.  Thank you for bringing so much love and joy to our family.  Thank you for making my parents finally grandparents.  Most of all, thank you for making me a mother. 

Kearington, there are not enough words in the dictionary to describe the amount of love we have for you.  We love you to the moon and back and then some!  You are the light of our life, and we can’t wait to see what this next year has to bring. 

I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always.  As long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be!  (Robert Munsch)

Happy Birthday Baby K!!

Love, Mommy






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